Rant of the Day - By no means updated daily

Spam Headlines

Posted on 24 August, 2008 by Maximinus
According to bogus headlines in this week's spam, Britney Spears, whose latest rants were caught on tape, and who says she "was like a nymphomaniac with NO rubbers," is simultaneously dating Obama, Princess Di's butler and, even though she's only in training to become a lesbian, an unknown girl - but is wanted (sexually) by Tom Cruise, who may be in with a chance, as she is to be sold on Ebay - was shaken, but unhurt, by a failed suicide bomber attack.  She also admitted that her vagina, which attacked a warder and escaped rehab, was taken to hospital (though was uninjured) after a car crash - and made her shave her head bald (although Justin Timberlake is claiming that she did it for him).  She has also blown her nose on a designer dress, admitted to being the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby and flashed her "huge gross nipples."  A North Dakota man couldn't care less about her, despite the fact that she gave the foreskin museum an "amazing" gift, founded a charity to help the homeless (as part of her community service sentence), and that she has Alzheimer's.  After all this, paparazzi have accused Britney of going too far - however humanity has breathed a sigh of relief, as she has left the planet, after the world's muslims rejected her conversion to Islam.

Meanwhile, Paris Hilton (who Britney Spears says makes her feel horny) has had her vagina insured, after being crowned Miss Vagina 2008.  She has also shown her pussy again, possibly when she gave birth to twin aliens.  She has also lectured on Dickens and Dostoevsky, and is set to operate the Large Hadron Collider, after having started it up.  She's also been busy on the sexual front, having had "steamy sex" with Britney Spears, been violated by gypsies and had sex with aliens.  Although her bust has gone missing and she's rumoured to be going for a sex change, she's preparing to become a nun, and will also start charging for her pussy.  She's also been declared a national historic landmark, and admitted on Larry King that she sold her soul to the devil.  Perhaps as a result of her "crack-in-arse" scandal, Ann Coulter has called for her to be sent to Guantanamo Bay.  Unlike Britney Spears, Paris Hilton is not being sold on ebay - although her "prison sweat" is up for grabs on the popular auction site.

Wow, I never realised those two were so busy...
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